Having a last name at the end of the alphabet comes with a lot of implications that have become second nature in my life. I was always the “caboose” of the lunch line in elementary school and my name is read off last from every roster I am on. I’ve learned to zone out until the end of roll call, knowing I’ll be the big finisher. A simple “oh I’m used to it” allowed me to play off my internal embarrassment from always being chosen last in PE. In a way, always being last forced me to feel like I always need to take up space in a room so as to not be forgotten. Maybe this is why I felt the need to be an overachiever in high school, boasting the title of Yearbook Editor and Class President; for which I ran a campaign on a word play of my last name. And yes, the Class President did graduate last.
As a female, people often tell me that I won’t have this concluding curse forever. Although that notion doesn’t necessarily align with my feminist agenda, I still feel a wave of dispair at the thought of not having a “Z” in my name. The letter is a fundamental part of who I am. Logistically, I will always be last, which only motivates me further to be first in all other aspects of my life. My unique gift has challenged me to be confident, driven, and know that there is no one else like me in any room I walk into. And hey, the letter “Z” is worth 10 points in Scrabble.
As someone with the last name that starts with a "B," I often was the first on the roster in school; I can tell you there have been many times over the years where that has come back to bite me. I agree that that order we are put in throughout schooling affects the way we live our lives and how we act, but I really enjoying hearing how being last has affected you in such different ways from me.
ReplyDeleteWith a last name that starts with W, I definitely relate to a lot of these feelings. I may not be dead last, but in many instances I have come rather close. I like that you turned into something with a positive connotation, and how you talk about its drive to make yourself known.
ReplyDeleteYour personality is so evident in the tone this post and it made it so fun to read :) I've always wondered how the Z kids felt about always being at the end of the list, and it was incredibly interesting to hear how you dealt with that feeling. It's always so intriguing to me how we internalize things as parts of our identity as children and your insight of how that happened to you because of your Z name is so good!
ReplyDeleteThis was really fun to read, Rachel, and timely for me, too, as last week I had to write a poem about my name for my class. Jennifers are ubiquitous too! And my sister's name is Rachel, so there's another one for you. I think the "Z" might be a hassle, but it also makes you unique, and, yeah, there is that 10 points thing!
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